When we judge ourselves by another man’s mirror we are destined to come up short. There is inevitably something that sparkles when we look at the person we are comparing ourselves to. They have a shine quality, a luster, which makes you feel kind of dull and out of sorts. It feels as though they are at the top of the mountain looking down on us and there is no way we can ever catapult ourselves to their position.

The person we are pitting ourselves against is not better than us, they are just different. They are uniquely designed, just as we are, and they are being their authentic selves (hopefully). As they are enjoying life, speaking of their life, and displaying all that is happening with them doesn’t mean we cannot do the same. Yes, it may not look the same, but we each have wonderful qualities that set us apart from the next. We all do!!

In understanding your gifts, your talents, your qualities, you will be better able to narrow your focus on what is best for you, not what appears to be best for [insert name]. Each move we make is hopefully about what makes us happy, what makes sense for our lives, and not a copycat version of what we see someone else flaunting.

Again you may ask: Why can’t we be like ______? Well, it’s because you aren’t them. And that is okay. The real question comes to why we aren’t able to love who we are, in the skin we are in, with the life we have been given. Yes, there may be aspects of what is taking place with you that you would like to change. There is nothing wrong with that, but questioning yourself about being like someone else can be detrimental to your psyche.

Here are a few insider tips on why wanting to be like someone else may not always be best:

  • Everyone has skeletons—you are only being shown what they want you to see

  • Being like them means you must accept the good and the bad

  • You begin to lose your own value and self-worth lusting after someone else’s life

  • You stop living the life you are given

  • There will always be someone who appears to have it better than you—you will continually be chasing the uncatchable

This in no way saying that we won’t see what another has and it may push us to go for more and more and more. There is a balancing act to it all. Look at [insert name] as not wanting to be like them, but what can you do to achieve what they have, if not more. Let what you see in others be your driving force, not your pity party.

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Dr. Chemika Burkhalter, LCSW, MCLC

Dr. B is a licensed clinical therapist and a master certified life coach with a client-centered emphasis and a love for helping people navigate their way to the “aha” moment.